Trying Again
by Griever5
Summary: Set after FFVIII. Squall is searching for what he had left behind.


**Prologue**

His fingers sped expertly over the keyboard, clacking. The screen flickered as windows expanded and vanished in rapid succession. The glare of light lit his eyes up in a buzzing glow; it was the only source of light, and the shadows of cabinets glowered over him.  
A sharp rap on the door and he didn't even bother looking up. The door swung open on well-oiled hinges, bright corridor light slicing into the dark office. The creak of leather and the click of heels.  
"You should rest."  
He ignored the voice and kept typing, blinking away the heaviness that tugged at his eyes. The figure in the doorway shifted and marched forward.  
He froze and the sudden complete absence of sound in the room halted the figure in its steps. His gaze remained glued to the screen, the displayed windows still.  
"Okay. Fine." The figure spun around. "Just… you know… we're here."  
The door shut with a ghost of a hiss.  
He closed his eyes, squeezing away the tears behind his eyelids. Silence weighed down the room.

He jerked upright, adrenaline pumping through his blood. Another surge of chemicals to his brain made his head snap back awkwardly before he struggled for control over his muscles. He grunted, straightening his stiffening shoulders. He ran his tongue over dry cracked lips, the tips of his fingers skimming over the worry creases in his forehead. The sudden rush that woke him up forced him to his feet, stretching out slender legs.  
_Was that too much?_  
He groaned in agreement, collapsing back into the chair. The chemicals gurgled and lessened; his muscles relaxed involuntarily, and he sighed, lungs contracting. The tightness in his head was pounding a headache into his mind and he tried to sort out the data in the scattered leftover memory from the night before. The information was jumbled, messily memorized and blurred.  
_Would you like me to get out of the way for now?_  
He nodded and the table top lightened as a thin layer of crisp ice spread over it, dusting flakes of snow on his skin, sinking into the heat of his already pale flesh. The chill inserted needles of pain into his joints and his head lolled back on his shoulders.  
_Fragile, little Lion cub_. A cool hand cupped his face, freezing lips against his. _Poor darling_.  
He let his head rest in those cool hands, eyes glazed. The hand followed the curve of his neck, the dent of the rising and falling of his chest, over faded and fresh puckered scars that swished over one another in a elegant map that lead to nowhere. He settled into the chair and allowed those hands to roam freely, caressing, soft and gentle, always present on his body or in his mind. He took a deep breath and exhaled a cloud of vapour.  
The owner of those hands lifted her lips, smiling a perfectly symmetrical smile. He let himself wallow in the depth of her eyes, drown in the pull of her smile, suffocate in the alluring burn of cold of her body. She wrapped her arms around him and whispered in his ears a thousand promises that hurt and clawed at him, soothed and calmed him, ignited passion and destroyed his desires. Her voice took him in and spat him out and he did not resist, a broken doll limply controlled by the will of its master. Promises were meant to be broken, after all.

He forced himself to take another bite, throat twitching in a desperate attempt to swallow. The bustle of the cafeteria seemed separate, hidden behind a thick veil that hung over his eyes. He was aware of the stares, and the not-so-whispered exclamations and gossip. The cereal crunched between his teeth, dry crumbly pieces digging into his tongue. His stomach churned, but even the functions of his body felt as separate as the people all around him, with their conversation and noise muted in that white fog.  
It had been a long time since he had eaten, and he eventually had to since even magic was having difficulty keeping his mind active enough to process information. Once-tight clothing hung loose on his wasted frame and he took another bite, jaw moving up and down mechanically.  
The same figure as the night before approached, long blond hair swishing back in a ponytail. The figure sat down, her hands now folded neatly on the table. "I'm so glad to see you." Her voice was gentle and meant to be reassuring or even comforting but he couldn't care less. He was not even processing the meaning behind the noise that escaped her voice box; it was not valuable.  
"Maybe since you're taking a break, I could help out in some paperwork…" Her voice kept its tone fairly neutral but he could detect a slight deviation in its pitch. He stopped chewing, his head still hanging over the cereal bowl. She sighed. "Look… I – We…"  
"Instructor Trepe!" Someone squealed and rushed over to the figure. The figure was dragged away by an overly enthusiastic group of fans, chair left upturned on the floor.  
He resumed chewing, but somehow the spoon had grown heavy in his hand, and the fog that separated him from everything around him thickened.

**Trace 1**

She flipped the page, scribbling a few notes in the margin. A shaggy sheep dog snuffled over to the bench where she was perched. She glanced up from her book and waved. "Hey there, Angelo!" The dog sniffed her hand and barked, tail wagging in a frenzy. "Good girl!"  
"Rinoa!" A voice echoed across the courtyard.  
She looked up, a smile lighting her features at the couple crossing over to her. "Irvy! Selph!"  
The girl flounced over, bright yellow dress burning into the retinas of anyone who happened to look over. "Oh m'Hyne! Rinoa-YouHaveToHearThis! ItWasAbsolutelyGreat!LookAtWhatIGotForMy BIRTHDAY!" Selphie flourished a necklace, glittering silver.  
"Is that made from Cockatrice tears?" Rinoa launched herself into the other girl with a squeal.

Irvine tilted his hat back on his head, smirking as he spoke, a low drawl. "Don't I treat you good, babe?"

Rinoa snorted, and Selphie giggled as she flung her arms around the tall cowboy. "Of course!"

"What's goin' on!" Zell squeezed his way into the tight-knit group, bouncing up and down, darting punches in the air. Selphie mused his spiked hair and dangled her prize before his eyes.

"Oh hey, isn't that - !"

"What is going on here? A thin voice cut through the laughter, effectively slicing apart any kind of atmosphere at all.

Selphie pressed her lips together and Irvine shifted slightly so that he was half-standing behind her. Rinoa tugged at her bangs self-consciously, tucking her book under an arm. Zell scuffled his foot against the floor nervously. He was the first one who dared to speak. "H-hey. Quisty."

"That's Instructor Trepe, Dincht." Quistis glared at them over the frame of her glasses, arms tightly crossed. Irvine noted with surprise that her usual ponytail was gone; her blond hair now flowed all the way down to her waist, completely straight without a strand out of place.

"Well, Instructor." Irvine stepped forward and assaulted her with his most charming smile. "How are you today?"

She wrenched the smile off his face, pinning him down with an expressionless stare. "You're obstructing traffic and loitering by the front gates."

Zell shot a quick peek around them. The entire courtyard was empty except for them, and the gates to Garden were still closed. He swallowed. "Q-Quis-"

"All of you are charged with detention and you are not allowed to leave Garden grounds until further notice. I will see all of you in my office at exactly 1500 hours. Get back to your rooms." Quistis turned away, striding back into Garden where she bumped into another cadet, who was reprimanded and sent off in tears.

Selphie spat, a very unSelphie-like thing to do. "Bitch."

"Now, now, darling, she has her reasons." Irvine scowled a little after the retreating figure.

"Reasons?"

Zell could almost see Selphie's hair bristle. "She's not the only one who is faced with that! We're all part of it! And there she is, thinking that she is the one who has to hold all the responsibility…!"

"She's just having a bad day."

Selphie spun around to Rinoa. The other girl was smiling a little, nodding at the group. "Just a bad day." Her voice was soft, chipped at the edges even as she smiled at them, and Selphie had a sudden urge to pummel Quistis to the ground.

"W-Well…! Hotdogs anyone?" Zell gestured to Garden. They all exchange furtive looks, and burst into laughter. At least some things never change.

"BIRTHDAY." Fujin nodded at Selphie, her single visible eye a milky red.

"Thanks!" Selphie hugged the albino, and sprinted over to the burly dark SeeD standing by the hotdog stand with Zell. "Thanks to you too, Rajin!"

Rajin turned around. "Sure thing, ya know!"

They all clustered around a table, jostling for tray space. Zell had his loaded with hotdogs as usual, and Rajin was trying to nick one without the other noticing.

"Where's Fujin?" Rinoa cast a look around, searching for the white-haired SeeD.

"Dunno, ya know." Rajin grunted in pain as Zell pinched his prying fingers.

"Oh well!" Selphie beamed. "Let's eat!"1

Fujin knocked on the oak door, the sound of her knuckles against the wood muted. She tried the doorknob; it was not locked. She heaved the door open and stepped into the office, papers rustling underfoot, dust swirling in tiny clouds. With the fading eyesight left in her single eye, she could make him out in the shadows, crouched in front of the computer, typing, key taping – tap tap tap tap tap.

"LUNCH?" She fumbled for the light switch and flicked it. The lights buzzed with a flicker and died out. She bent over to tidy a stack of books tumbling by the side of the table.

"MESSY." She nudged at the overturned couch in the corner.

He did not answer, still typing.

"PROGRESS?" She put a hand on the back of his chair, squinting at the screen. "GARDEN. WELL-ORGANIZED." She nodded in approval, sliding her hand to his shoulder.

"REST?"

There was no reply, save for the click clack of keys.

She sighed, patting him on the shoulder, leaning forward to brush her lips against his forehead. "BYE." The door thudded shut behind her as she left, and still he did not look up.

_Just there, barely there, waiting, waiting, the surge of heat rippling up and down his legs –thighs quivering, back arched, burning with cold. Warmth tingled on the surface of his skin, chill sinking deep into his bones as he tried to breathe – ached to breathe but his lungs has collapsed – they were useless, his ribs shrinking, crushing his heart. His hair plastered against skin, mouth open wide, wider – trying to breathe._

_Nothing. Nothing._

**Trace 0**

The world wobbled, and he squinted against the jelly-like air that bubbled around his limbs. A child darted past his legs, nearly tripping. He reached down to steady the child, exchanged mischievous grins before a bellow of anger echoed from the kitchen.

He shrugged at the child, and she opened her mouth in a silent laugh, dirty blond hair a mess of curls around her heart-shaped baby face. He shooed her away and she had just scampered around the corner when the front door slammed open.

"Someone stole my pen!" The towering male screeched, white trench coat slung over a shoulder, his tight shirt clinging to a broad chest.

The world wobbled again, and the figure in the doorway shrunk out of sight. The muffled giggles of the child squeezed out his hearing and he took a deep breath.

A child darted past his legs, nearly tripping. He reached down to steady the child, exchanged mischievous grins before a bellow of anger echoed from the kitchen.

She flung up her arms, tiptoeing. He scooped her up, swinging her into circles. Round and round, towards the beach and the roar of waves.

She squirmed out of his arms as they reached sand, scrambling around for footing, hands snatching at seashells.

A dark-haired male peered at them behind a curtain of bangs that fell over his eyes, perched solemnly on a rock. The child ran up to him and held out a few seashells. The dark-haired male accepted them, smiling at him, hovering protectively just behind her.

"Someone stole my pen!" The other was screeching from the doorway, and the dark-haired male shot a furtive glance at the child. He reached over, arms closing around the child.

The sun was setting and the glow of blood sparkled from the cooing sea.

"Squall." The name hung in the air – weighing down the lips of the dark-haired male that stared up at him. "Squall." Just a whisper and the waves screamed their agony, rising up and sweeping the world away.

A dark-haired male peered at them behind a curtain of bangs that fell over his eyes, perched solemnly on a rock. The child ran up to him and held out a few seashells. "Grie-ba!" She mumbled thickly, waving the shells under his nose. He accepted them, smiling at Squall who was hovering protectively just behind Maria.

"Someone stole my pen!" Seifer was screaming from the doorway, and Griever shot an irritated glance over his shoulder.

Maria giggled, "Grie-ba!" She pouted and patted his knee, wanting a hug.

The world wobbled again.

**Trace 2**

He lifted the cigarette to his lips and sucked from it, the end a pinpoint of red flaring up in the velvet background of the stars. The murmur of voices rolled around in the ballroom, the clatter of wine glasses drifting gently to the balcony where he leaned over.

"Well, this is rare." Quistis' tell-tale clip-clop of heels stopped behind him, her shadow blurring the light that spilled by his feet. "You actually showed up for the festival." A pause as she drew a breath. "We're glad."

Quistis sighed, and then grunted as she stumbled to the side. Selphie shoved past her and hurdled towards him. She froze, arms barely touching his unmoving back. She frowned, struggling to keep a teasing tone lighting her voice. "No hug? All this effort to organize the festival! You would think I deserve at least a hug!"

He took another drag of his cigarette.

Selphie gave her head a quick shake. "Anywa-"

He spun around on his heel and strode past them, shoulders ghosting right by them. Selphie spluttered in indignation, staring after his back. Quistis didn't move, drowning her gaze in the stars that stretched just beyond the balcony.

Clack. Clack. Clack.

The windows flashed on the computer screen, reflecting in his sunken eyes. Something flashed across the screen.

His fingers stilled on the keyboard, eyes shifting, roaming across the coding that whirred along.

ClackClackClack.

He typed faster now, screen flickering wildly.

Thud.

He lurched out of his chair, crashing into the table. The computer quivered, keyboard sliding off the table in a series of rattles. He clawed the door open and stumbled out into the hallway.

_Finally. Finally._

The door was left hanging ajar, computer lopsided on the table, beeping pathetically in the dim office.

"Sir!" The cadet saluted smartly. He was ignored as the figure hurried past him, almost desperately. "Sir?"

"Uh… Sir! You can't – " The cadet fumbled forward, trailing halfway up the ramp. "The Ragnarok isn't scheduled for –"

A thick coating of ice closed around his throat and he gurgled faintly as icicles popped out from his sockets, his eyeballs a runny red oozing down his cheeks. The cadet flopped on the ground, and he kicked the body off the ramp.

_Ah, Cub. When have you learnt how to be so cruel to humans?_

Her voice again, that faint whisper in his head. He growled, dropping into the pilot seat.

_Can you truly go through with this? You've always been so afraid… are you sure?_

He grappled with a shelf lined with Summon Spheres that Guardian Forces were usually stored. He grabbed one and focused briefly. The previously black and empty Sphere glowed a pale misty blue as Shiva filled its space.

He tossed it aside and strapped himself in, scrambling at the controls. The Ragnarok roared to life, the stench of fuel blazing through the cockpit. Its engines howled, erupting into motion and the giant machine ripped free of the chains holding it down. The machine tore its way into the sky.

Fujin stared at the open door, the darkness within the office foreboding and dangerously absent of the clack of keys. She remained still, motionless, waiting and hoping with every aching fibre of her being that he was still in that room, that this was a trick.

"Hey, Fujin! What'ca doin', ya know?" Rajin's large hand enclosed her frail shoulder, turning her around to face him. "What's wrong, ya know?"

"GONE." She pinned her single eye on Rajin.

"Wha-!"

Fujin darted past him, propelling herself off the railing, down to the first floor. A few cadets scattered with cries of alarm as she dropped to the ground nimbly, sprinting towards the front gate.

"FUJIN! WAIT, YA KNOW!" Rajin bellowed after her, helpless.

She burst out the front gate, and Pandemona screamed, wind tearing the sky apart. The Wind Elemental lifted her off the ground, hurtling her from Garden. Hurricanes swirled into existence, keeping her airborne, soaring above the grassy plains of Balamb.

Pandemona stretched out her eyes on every breath of the wind, hunting for the sign of Ragnarok.

_T.h.e.r.e._

The Guardian Force directed its thoughts to Fujin, and she flew towards the distant speck of red, the faint hint of Ragnarok's outline.

The sky and land whispered past her, and the wind tugged at her skin as she sped up, praying that she would not be too late.

Quistis released Rajin's collar, pushing him away. She flipped open her phone, and the faint beep on the other line hummed for a while.

"Trepe? This must be serious if you're calling. What is it?"

"Kiros. Squall has Ragnarok. Stop him."

"I see. What is the co-ordin-"

"QUISTIS? WHAT? WHAT ABOUT SQUALL?"

"Sir Laguna. Calm down. Everything is under control."

"No, it's not! What's going on?"

Quistis sighed as she heard Kiros hiss angrily and wrestle the phone from Laguna.

"Will do, Trepe."

There was a decisive click and the line went dead. Quistis snapped her phone shut and narrowed her eyes at Rajin. "Inform the others."

Rajin nodded, almost sorrowful, a puppy dog look gleaming in his eyes. "Okay, ya know. But shouldn't we be help-"

"Do as you are told, SeeD!" Quistis snapped, shifting her weight so that the whip strapped to her belt rustled menacingly.

Rajin bit his lower lip, and nodded, weariness evident in the creases in his forehead.

**Trace 3**

Ragnarok sliced into the water, and the ramp whistled open. He staggered down it, casting Float so that he hovered just above the water. The surface of the ocean rippled as the Ragnarok was sucked in slowly. He didn't care that one of the most powerful battle airships in the world was sinking – there was no time.

He landed, boots thumping lightly on steel flooring. The Deep Sea Research Centre loomed overhead. He let his memory lead him forward and inside the shambling iron coffin.

Fujin grunted with effort. Pandemona dug its blades of air into the water, cutting into Ragnaroks sides, hauling it out of the water. The airship groaned as if in protest, creaking in a mourning wail. She steadied Ragnarok and let Pandemonas presence flow back into her subconscious. Her weightlessness leaving her, she dropped back down.

She searched for an opening amongst the collapsing bars, moulding metal that stunk of rot. Bone-white fingers dig through mounds of ruin, eye seeking any trace of him. Of course, she could not find any. It was to be expected.

She wondered at the hopelessness of the situation, the desperation that haunted him, the same furnace of despair that lurked just behind her eyes, waiting for an opportunity to overcome her.

An explosion of noise polluted the silence and she whirled around, gaping at the airships that darkened the sky, shooting towards her, preparing to land. All of them had the striking emblem of Esthar on them.

The ships howled and as they landed, streams of soldiers flowed past her. She stood like a ghost amongst them, powerless, invisible. She cursed the bitterness that plagued Trepe.

Selphie slapped Quistis so hard that her head jerked to the side, her neck cracking audibly. Quistis gave her head a quick shake, and returned Selphies teary glare evenly.

"We will assist Esthar in any way that we can. And since I am sure that you all are bound to interfere, you are all temporarily suspended of your SeeD ranking, and you are to be monitored until this severe miscalculation is corrected."

"Oh?" Selphie took a deep breath, her voice steely. "Squall is just a _miscalculation_ then?" She bit off her words as if they tasted sour in her mouth, eyebrows knitted.

"Of course not. The Commander is a very revered member of Garden. It is just that he has to be kept in his place and not be allowed to run amok. He is an example to all-"

"We get the idea." Irvine pulled Selphie gently away. "We'll take our leave." He took off his hat and bowed mockingly.

The rest of them trudged out of the room and Quistis watched them leave without a hint of expression on her face. As the door clicked shut, a single tear sneaked down her cheek and hid on her lips.

_Warmth wrapping around him. So gentle, so soft and light. The whisper of a breath in his ear. He breathed. A sharp jolt of pain, a rush in his veins, a cold that settled on his tongue. A groan and then a quiver of suppressed agony. Silkiness stroking, steady, clenching. Warmth becoming hot, fire licking up his sides. His eyes blurred; he grimaced._

_Breathe. Stop. Heart. Beat. Beat. Beat._

_Something. Something._

**Trace -1**

Squall winced, the hot coffee stinging his lips. He lowered the mug, watching Seifer take another swig from the coffee pot. Seifer caught his eye and waggled his eyebrows in a suspiciously innocent way. "What?"

Squall shrugged and folded the newspaper, the paper crinkling.

The doorknob rattled and creaked open with much difficulty. Maria stumbled in, holding up the ends of her sweeping skirt. Her head barely reached the height of the doorknob; she giggled and puffed out her chest with pride at the accomplishment.

Seifer swooped down on her, tossing her into the air with a single heave. "Who's the genius!"

She squealed, arms outstretched, her heels bumping lightly against the low ceiling of the cottage.

Squall frowned.

"Careful." Griever growled as he staggered into the room, buried under a mountain of groceries. He dropped the bags, and Squall glared at the single can that rolled out of a bag to his foot.

Griever ran a hand through his black, long flow of hair. "Idiot."

Seifer caught Maria, and scowled. "Shut up."

Maria squirmed and Seifer dropped her lightly to the ground. She scampered to Squall, clambering up on his lap, burying her face into the collar of his sweater. He rested his chin on the top of her head and she purred, a rumble against his chest.

"Squall." Griever was tense, muscles coiled, and Squall could feel the pulse of Griever's heart accelerate, almost as if it was his own.

"What is it?" Seifer glanced between the two.

Squall closed his eyes.

The door way dissolved under heavy gunfire that poured into the cottage. Griever jerked and twitched, the force of the bullets pulling his body along in the air like a broken puppet. Seifer shoved Squall and Maria to the ground, his weight pinning them down as his trench coat drenched in red. The firing stopped, and the floorboards creaked.

The stamp of boots and someone thumped towards them. "The child is alive, yes?" A hand dragged Maria out from under Seifer, out of Squall's loose embrace.

She gashed her teeth and started to scream, a high whining pitch. She turned to Squall, a keening cry. "Scaaaa—u!!"

Squall eased Seifer's body aside, rising. The White SeeDs filling the room saluted in perfect unison. The captain released Maria, and she ducked behind Squall, resting her forehead against his knee.

"We are here for the girl."

Squall shook his head, his bangs swinging slowly at the weary motion.

The captain put a hand on the rifle slung across his back, and every SeeD followed suit. "This is an order."

Squall knelt down and brushed a butterfly kiss against her cheek.

"Scaa-u?" Maria was staring at him, her big eyes watery with tears of shock and fear. She turned slowly, lips pinched in an effort not to cry. "Grie-ba? Sa-fa?" She ran towards Seifer, slipping on blood and falling over him. She pounded her little fists on his back, paused and turned her attention to Griever.

He had taken the most of the shots, and his limbs were sprawled awkwardly around him, bent at wrong angles. His hair was a puddle around him, outlined with spreading inky blood. Maria whimpered, scuffling over to him and tangling her fingers in his hair. She tugged lightly but there was no response. She looked at Squall.

The captain nodded. "Commander."

Squall ignored him, staring at Maria.

The White SeeDs retreated and just as the captain was leaving, he seized Maria and flung her over his shoulder. She started to scream again, and her wails faded as the whir of engines started up – the White SeeDs were leaving. The shadow of their ship surged out of the water and hissed.

Squall remained standing until the drone of the ship had vanished, and only the squawk of the seagulls accompanied by the roll of waves hummed in his ears. There was a taste of blood in his mouth, and the house stank of it.

He looked down at the bodies.

**Trace 4**

"So you finally came."

"…"

"Hn. There you are, Puberty Boy."

"…"

"Squall."

He looked at Griever, leathery wings half-folded against his back, arms cross, smirking.

He looked at Seifer, white trench coat spotless, leaning against his gunblade, sneering.

He looked at Maria, hovering high above all of them, hanging in mid-air, strings of light crisscrossing and holding her in place.

She smiled at him, walking down to him on steps of light that shimmered into existence by her feet. She leaned to him, arms outstretched. There was a stench of rot that clung to his nostrils, and though her skin glowed with the faint dusting of a blush across healthy cheeks, he knew that it was only the light. Just the light.

She hugged him, short arms reaching around his slim waist. She nuzzled against him. "Shall we go?" Her voice was sweet and soft, and hearing it again made something in him throb, aching painfully.

Griever tilted his head to the side, and he could hear the swish of hair as it flowed over his shoulder. He could feel Griever's heart beat, the tingle on his skin, the breath in his lungs, his chest rising and falling, the apparent weight of human limbs confining him. Griever's presence tickled the back of his mind, and he reeled in it – he had been so long without it.

Seifer stepped up to them, and he could smell the shampoo that Seifer always used to use, the tang of leather that came from his trench coat. The warmth that radiated from Seifer soothed him, the heat sinking comfortably into the pit of his stomach. Seifer's shoulder bumped into his, jostling him lightly. He turned to Seifer – the blonde was staring right at him, emerald eyes making him shiver.

The wall behind them collapsed and Estharian soldiers poured into the chamber. Maria's grip around him tightened, and Seifer hissed. Griever nodded, ever so slightly.

They stood, motionless, as rows upon rows of guns pointed at them patiently. Kiros strode towards them, purposeful yet relaxed.

The tall man eyed them. "Squall. What are you doing here? This is a restricted area. You should know. Code 998954-"

Squall took a deep breath.

Kiros paused.

"SIR! WAIT, SIR!" Someone screamed. A soldier by the opening of the collapsed wall groaned internally.

Laguna erupted into the chamber, crashing into Kiros and sending the both of them tumbling to the ground. The president of Esthar lurched to his feet with a shriek.

That single moment of distraction was enough for Griever to raise his hand, and a dark bubble expanded, enveloping the soldiers as it swelled around the chamber. Laguna could feel the blood rush to his head, and he swayed at the dizziness that threatened to knock him over. Someone seized him by the arm and he peered gratefully up. It was Kiros, blood dribbling from his ears. Nonetheless, he was still scowling. Laguna grinned at his friend, and both of them sprinted from the edges of the dark glow stalking them.

All around, soldiers were screaming and clawing at their faces, their own horror playing behind their eyes, unaware that their limbs were dropping off their bodies, unaware of the suddenly punctured lungs or bones that were shattering within their very own bodies.

"Come." Maria released him, taking up his hand. "Let's go."

He trailed along behind her lead; she trotted elegantly towards the tube that glowered at the back of the chamber, the same chamber that held Rinoa so many years ago.

"SQUALL!"

He turned to that voice.

It was Fujin. She tore her way through the darkness, Pandemona slicing through it with blades of wind. Both the Guardian Force and albino charged towards them, and Griever leapt towards them.

Wings exploded from his back, tail unfurling. Horns ripped through his skull, and his hair waved in a mess of a mane around his face. His eyes lightened, going from a bottomless black to a burning yellow. Claw stretched out from his fingertips, and he lashed out.

He met Pandemona head-on, and wind and darkness dug gouges through space. Fujin was rooted to the ground, and it seemed as if she was flickering, eyepatch gone for one moment, her healed eyes healthy, young and unhurt.

Maria tugged irritably at his hand, and he turned back to her. She dragged him towards the enormous tube, and they both stepped up into it together. She smiled, and still the strings of light clung to her, leading up to the ceiling. Every movement was preceded by a slight twitch in the multi-coloured light.

She held her arms over her head, pleading for him to pick her up. He reached down and scooped her up; she was weightless, and it was the strings of glittering light that seemed to scorch his skin, a dull heavy hot blur of weight pulling him down.

Maria giggled and snuggled into his arms. She waved at Seifer, standing just outside the thick glass walls of the tube. "Come join us, KnIgHt." The light around her wavered, and he trembled as they darkened. Shadows gathered around her tiny eyes, and her lips coated in a dark smear. Veins of purple squeezed their way across her cheeks. "I aM fInALLy GoInG HoMe." Maria held out her hand and Seifer took it, stepping into tube.

Fujin screamed but just as he looked up, Maria's little hands closed over his eyes. "FoRgEt ThEsE PuNy HuMaNs. CoMe."

He could feel the strings of light snap away from the ceiling, crackling and falling like broken wires. He could sense Seifer, standing just next to them, waiting. He could see Maria's smile behind his eyelids. "GrIeVeR."

Her hands were wretched from his eyes and he stared out at the world collapsing all around him. Maria's lithe body was whipped away by the roaring hurricane that swirled in the chamber, and Seifer's limbs were ripped apart, warm blood kissing his skin, clinging to his eyelashes. _The Knight's Sacrifice_.

Maria spun in the air, arms held out. Griever flung aside the ruined body of the albino, crushed between his claws all remaining essence of Pandemona, and leapt up into the embrace of his sorceress. Griever folded unto himself, becoming a blur of an absence of light, swaddling Maria in clothing of darkness.

Ultimecia's eyes grinned at him from inside his eyes, and he could see his face mirrored all around him, spinning fragments of his reflections glimmering from gaping holes in time.

**Trace 5**

Female Student

"So, like, it's gonna be a repeat of the Sorceress War we learned about?"

Male Student

"Yeah, she wants to make this Garden her base of operation."

Female Student

"The sorceress!? Her base!?"

Male Student

"You know what would happen then? Garden will be taken over, and we'll all be killed, axed, eliminated..."

Squall

(Both Balamb and Galbadia Garden are joining forces with the general from the Galbadian Army. ...Why? ...No point in me thinking about it. SeeDs aren't meant to question why.)

Squall

"So you've become the sorceress' lap dog?"

Seifer

"I prefer to be called her knight. This has always been my dream."

Seifer

"Squall, you're mine!"

Squall

"You're losing it, Seifer."

Zell

"You don't get along with Seifer, do you? Heard he whooped you pretty bad this morning."

Squall

"We weren't fighting. We were training."

Zell

"I bet you he doesn't think so. Look, Seifer's just being a pain in the ass. All you have to do is ignore him."

Squall

"That's none of your business."

Squall

"Don't worry about us. We'll fight your enemies based on your decision. That's our duty."

Zell

"You tell us to go, we go. Even if it is losing a battle."

Selphie

"Heeey, I'm a SeeD, too. Just want you to know, I'm ready for anything."

Rinoa

"How sad... Act on my decision? That's your duty? Oh, what an easy life it must be, just to follow orders..."

Squall

"Call it what you want. All we want is for you to achieve your goal using our help. I find it hard to believe that you can do it, though..."

Rinoa

"W-What did you say!? If you have something to say, just say it!"

**Trace 6**

Zell ducked behind a collapsed beam, pulling Rinoa down with him. Irvine and Selphie gestured wildly at them and he nodded. Peering over the edge of the beam at the roaring blast of pure energy spiralling, tossing bodies about, he sighed.

"Alright, Rinny! It's time to save the world again!" He tightened his gloves, and rapped on the side of Rinoa's head. She winced.

Zell crouched over, ready to leap from behind the shelter of the beam. From the corner of his eye, he could see Irvine, gun at ready – double-equipped with the power of his favourite Guardian Force Bahamut, and Selphie, glowing with the thousands of spells that she was in the process of summoning. He glanced down at his fist, gloves sparkling with Leviathan's charge. They had all come a long way since then – they have all gotten stronger. Except Squall.

"Wait!"

Zell stared at Rinoa. She looked back up at him, eyes wide and frightened. "Squall's in there!"

"No worries, Rinny!" He flashed his canine grin at her. "We know." He leaned over and pulled her to her knees. "We're getting him outta here!"

She nodded but didn't move. His smile faltered. "Trust us."

"How can I?" Rinoa took a deep breath, bellowing above the whine of the storm that raged. "It always goes wrong! It's always wrong with him!"

"We saved the world once. We can do it again, Rin." With that, Zell dived into the storm.

Rinoa closed her eyes but still she could feel the heat that flare up from the gun that shot forth a stream of billowing flames, the blinding light burning into her skin as magic shrieked into the storm. She could feel the vibrations through the ground at each punch that was thrown.

"Have you always been this useless?"

Rinoa opened her eyes. It was Quistis.

"You're pathetic, Rinoa. You can't even do this much for the man who destroyed his own life and so many others… just for you."

Rinoa watched as the blonde shook out her ponytail, snapping her whip with a flick of her wrist. She watched as Quistis strode calmly into the storm, purposeful yet elegant.

_I can't. I can't. He's too…_ Rinoa's frantic eyes caught the Ragnarok. She scrambled towards it, slumping through the door as it hissed open. _What can I do?_

"...Poor, poor boy..."

Seifer

"Stay away from me!"

"Such a confused little boy. Are you going to step forward? Retreat? You have to decide."

Seifer

"Stay back!"

"The boy in you is telling you to come. The adult in you is telling you to

back off. You can't make up your mind. You don't know the right answer."

"You want help, don't you? You want to be saved from this predicament."

Seifer

"Shut up!"

"Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Besides, you're only a little boy."

Seifer

"I'm not...Stop calling me a boy."

"You don't want to be a boy anymore?"

Seifer

"I am not a BOY!"

"Come with me to a place of no return. Bid farewell to your childhood."

**Trace 7**

Squall could see. He could feel, feel all the stars in universe rustle against his skin like silk. He could hear light spinning over space, hear a low buzz in his body. He could remember, remember all the lives that he did not lead, all the lives he led, all the lives he would lead.

Maria was sitting on his knee, asking for a story. Seifer was cooking, tossing the omelettes into the air, grinning at Maria. Griever was swimming, his skin glossy with the sheen of water, moonlight tracing the taunt muscles in his back.

Maria was crying, dried tears staining stiff cold dead cheeks. Her head was off at a funny angle, and her dress spilled all around her in a mess. Seifer was staring at him with neither anger nor sadness, staring at him in the way that only Seifer could, the way that slipped right into him and tore him apart. Griever was reaching over, putting his hand over his – their hands were both warm, damp with perspiration, fingers trembling. It had been so long since Griever had separated from Squall's body and mind, and it was a strange thing for it to be so quiet in both their heads.

Rinoa was jumping up from the bed as he shook her awake, throwing her arms around him and twirling around. She had been so happy that SeeD had come to help, come to save her.

Selphie was tumbling down the slope, landing in a heap at his feet. He glared down at her and she smiled up, cheeky grin at all.

Irvine turned around dramatically, posing as he so liked to do. Rifle slung over his shoulder, he titled his hat towards Squall, and smiled.

Zell was doing back flips. He sprung the right-side up, and gave him the thumbs up. Again with a smile.

Quistis crossed her arms and sighed, shaking her head. She stared at Squall lying in the bed, bandages criss-crossing over his head.

Seifer brought his gunblade down, and all Squall could see was the flash of sparks in his eyes.

A different Selphie was holding hands with a cowboy, curious and excited.

A different Irvine was holding hands with a girl in a sunny dress, a little curious, mainly indifferent to anything that did not concern him, and his one and only princess.

A different Zell was crying, sniffling, half-hiding behind Matron's skirt.

A different Quistis was holding a book under an arm, hand extended for a handshake that was never received.

A different Seifer was …

A different Seifer was down by the beach, playing in the waves, not caring about anything in the world. He kicked up tiny waves and laughed.

Time Compression.

People all over the world fell over and died. People jerked back to life in their coffins, choking on stale air, dying again, clawing at the inside of their coffins. Children shrivelled with age, their hair scattered from their head, limbs curling up. Elders shrunk, skin stretched horribly over their bones, wrinkles gone but their heart started pumping so fast that they were soon foaming at the mouth and dead.

Building collapsed and rose again. Monsters tore their way out of the earth, fell over and died, awoke and started screaming.

Squall watched Ultimecia dust off her hair, the blood in her veins belonging to Seifer, the body she wore belonging to Maria, the power she wielded belonging to Griever. She held out a hand towards him.

He took a step forwards because he had to end this.

He took a step forwards because the sorceress would never die.

He took a step forwards because Rinoa would never be happy.

Because Quistis would never forgive herself. Because Zell could never smile again. Because Selphie would never laugh again. Because Irvine would never hold his gun again.

Because Fujin and Rajin no longer had Seifer. Because Xu and Nida had died as SeeDs. Because Ellone was tired of living. Because Laguna wanted to love his son and his dead wife. Because Kiros and Ward would never leave Laguna.

He took a step forwards because Griever was gone.

He took a step forwards because Maria was gone.

Because Seifer was gone.

**Trace 8**

"I'll be 'waiting'...here..."

"For what?"

"I'll be waiting...for you...so..."

"If you come here..."

"You'll find me."

"I promise."

1 Itadakimasu!


End file.
